i cry baby

i live with a monster! in one week this will be a 4 yr old monster.

turtle tuck

there was a really awesome lady at the hospital today.

she was cheery for someone who was doomed with the big C. she was a shining star of cheer---

even if she had been a person not doomed with anything.

i found out later, after i already liked her, that she was one of those people that go door-to-door trying to spread you their religion. they stand around the subways with their paper pamphlets.

one of those people? my new friend? it really cracked my head open. i don't want to talk about that with her, i mean, i just feel like that would be torture for me to have a conversation about religion with her. but at the same time, i realize that i have a lot of closed minded biases and i should really work on that.

the other thing i noticed, that was painful, was that the cheery religious lady was surrounded by people and support. and that's something that i think is hard to look at.

you know what i'm talking about?

i'm talking about the gaping hole!

purse

i gave a lady a shower today. she was a freaking trooper. i feel terrible about the shitty care that people get at hospitals. the patients feel like a nuisance and go days with out being seriously tended to or getting a hot shower. she didn't want to bother me with getting lotion for her, and i said woman! i said woman! i ain't got nothin to do no how woman!

and i keep thinking of this lady and wanting to go visit her and hug her. which is weird because there's plenty of things for me to do, that's not really the priority, but she's haunting my mind. i think it's because she has this seriousness about her. she looks like a russian peasant that survived the KGB.... and...

being shoeless in the snow...

and waiting at the end of the longest line for some bread. for just a smell of some bread because it will all be gone by the time she gets there.

ashwaubenon

the peanut boy went to get a haircut. NOT PICTURED HERE! it looks super duper great. and it's all thanks to his father! no thanks to me. i don't do much around the family these days. the peanut boy had a good time because they put him in a little train and turned on a movie. wowzers.

he looks like an entirely different person. it's weird.

grandma sent him these funny little mitten-gloves. these little gloves that make his hands look like huge man hands. it's the craziest thing watching him shoot up like a weed.

it makes me feel weird inside.

time started moving really fast about half way thru my 20's. moving to nyc doubled that speed. having a little dude quadrupled it.

the months feel like weeks.

the years feel like months.

richy rich

i have this t-shirt. some people saw me wearing it and they said "what's that?". i said "you know richard prince? he made it!". they said "who?". i was like WOAHHH! he's a famous artist. haha.

whatever.

they liked it and now it's the poster for a new elbow comedy show in w'burg.

check it!!!!

elbow

discomfort

this is a picture i took at a bar. back in baltimore when i had my big adventure last weekend. it was a picture to somehow document that i went to a bar. to prove it! i don't like going out, socializing, parties, talking to people, talking to strangers, all those things are extremely painful for me. but pain is life! pain is educational!

at yoga today the teacher said we were going to try something hard for 60 seconds. i was like NO PROBLEM. she said that when you feel discomfort you have to breath 2 times before giving up. it "trains the body to stop giving up immediately just because you have a bit of pain". i said NO PROBLEM. then we contorted. i was totally cool. then she said "HALF WAY THRU GUYS!". and i immediately caved!!!! right away! i don't think i even remembered to do the breathing exercise she said to do! i was like "only half way?!" sudden pain, immediate giving up.

oh all these life lessons.

oooooooooh

found these rad pics on 'ambitious project collapsing'

class act

wowie zowie! my little man has been a naughty monkey lately. it's hard! sometimes i'm so patient because i missed him after being at school so much. other times i feel so tired and crabby i want to scream.

how ya like these paintings right here? i love em! my gal pal has talent coming out the ears!

i was going to tell ya something and then i fucking forgot. oh man!

beyonce's baby

beyonce had a baby!
in a hospital!
this is the view from one of the rooms in her hospital.

(i heard she took over an entire floor!)

today was the first day since we started school in september that i had an awesome learning day.
an awesome experience!
finally!
it happened!
the nurse was amazing. the teacher was amazing. it was CALM.
no one was screaming at me.
we weren't rushing around stressed out.
is that so much to hope for?
yikes.
i can't learn with all the screaming and stressing.
maybe that's too much to ask for and i'm fudged for life.

and look at this noise !
that's me being a kick ass kicking kicker!
keeping up with my little dude is so hard, i had to start working out again finally.
it's only been 2 months but the change every day is astounding.
especially this last week it's like things are kicking in.

cross you fingas for me!

stretching in the yurt

these kids here...
up above here...
they were the sweetest couple of cuties. i hope we see them again.
i hate making best friend soul mates only to never see them again.
it's heart breakin'.

this dirt up here...
up above here...
this is a bit of dirt.
a patch of it... a patch that isn't my favorite!!!!!

"we left the fun times of wisconsin to come back to this shit dump? are you kidding me?"

that's what i think, in my head, sometimes.

there's pros and there's cons.

that's the truth.

moving furniture

this is my friend's new room in baltimore city.
she moved there just now!
from washington dc.
she said it rules.
it's working class.
going back to the roots.
she still goes to washington everyday for her job!
i learned so much spending the weekend and being a semi fly on the wall of someone else's life.
do you ever feel like you are dreaming?
i feel that way a lot lately.

tween-ager

this is what 11 year old girls in bushwick look like. it's unbelievable.

island wheat

yarn bombers

i would love to be a millionaire. and travel and do yoga everyday.

but if i can't have that option then i will take this option, pictured right here. when we were in WI we were constantly amazed at all the old people, real old timers, hiking the hills and the lakefront, and chilling out on the bench watching the water when it was about 14 degrees outside.

we tried to take that attitude to new york.

i don't have it inborn in me. but my little man, axel, he does. he is a trooper and he doesn't feel pain or cold or hunger. well hunger, he kinda does feel that. he sat down on his ankles and inhaled the little bag of trail mix that i bought for our walk. our "walk".

really a crazy adventure hike. we didn't think it would rain! we got out of the subway and it was starting to pour. i told axel we had to go to the bookstore or do something else. he started full out bawling crying in disappointment. he wanted the high line. so we said OK. we took him there and he led us up and down the trails for like 4 hours. i told him i had ENOUGH. mom is too tired and cold and wet and hungry!

he didn't want to go but i said, son, be proud of yourself, you accomplished a really big day.

farmin'

happy new year!

we went to WI and saw fam fam. it was tubular.

saw a little baby big foot!

and an abandoned barn!

holidays

hi! i can't write on this thing anymore lately. i don't know why!

today i had a play date with axel and a grown woman named shelley. it was fun, but also, constant verbal bombardment by axel. i needed a 3 hour nap to recover.

o b l i v i o n

hide and go seek

grow

tazmania

beluga

wow! what a big animal that is!

emmy

isn't this a pretty pic? it looks like one a those oldass paintings up at the museum and what not.

serene.

mopey.

gawgeous.

i'm feeling serene lately! after months of poopsville i just started doin' hot-yoga for no reason at all. i thought i should just try it once and see how bad it was. oh it's good! oh man it's so good. so instantly addicted.

and feeling better.

after 6 days i feel like a new person. healed up. shiny. flexingabilitations much improved.

bushwick bathroom

it's crazy how fancy bushwick is getting. i'm buggin! i'm buggin! all these bars and restaurants everywhere!

not on my block. not yet.

zen

pre view

muster

weiner schnitzel

no show

i hate when people move away. breaks my little tiny battered heart. it does! it happens too often. this town is always in flux.

axel crawled under the jungle gym today. there just so happened to be some human diarrhea under there! mmmm delish!

it made ME want to move away, you betcha.

just pack it up.

move away and pretend i never had dreams.

disaster

gaddafie bin bobben

tuesdays are a special day for me! but it's turned a little stressful. things are going to hell-o at school, at home, in my hobbies. it's just a mess! my hobby feels like work lately. not like fun. and i seem to muddle everything up everywhere i go. my teacher told me she was about to throw me out the window. boy did i cry about that. supposedly i should be happy that i haven't been yelled at and failed anything for almost... like... anatomy class in january of 2009? 20010? when was that?

i really admire all these people going to school for NP. and this one guy said he's working hard but his wife in med school is workin' even harder. i know one of those people! shout out to doctor sarah! i just can't believe things sometimes. i have one baby, then i meet someone with FOUR BABIES. i struggle with my dinky classes and then there's sarah delivering a stillborn baby and trying to keep on keepin' on. and SURGERY! o mah gosh. i can't imagine.

so at least i haven't been thrown out a window yet.

squack squak squak

times square

oh my gosh! the things! the many things going on! ahhhhhh!

bat man

i have a really good memory of halloween last year. for some reason matthew was gone and i took my baby axel on the bike down to fort greene. we weren't planning on staying long, but it was so exciting and fun. the streets were packed with people, costumes, crazy haunted houses and a small theater production in some person's front lawn. it was so pretty and zany, i really liked it a lot. i liked that i wasn't doing what i normally want to do. i was doing something for axel, that he liked doing and was enjoying. normally i hate crowds, i hate his routine being disrupted, i hate candy. but for once it all went out the window and it was a blast. riding home on the bike in the dark i knew axel felt very very privileged to be awake and outside in the spooky darkness. it was super fun. this year axel is a big ass man child. he knows it is approaching, he's read all the little critter books about it. he's seen thomas the train doin' it. he is pumped. i think it will be really great and it will be fun to have him so aware of what is going on.

road kill

well i'm getting over a lot of the hospital fears. the fears of being in the way and not knowing anything. i'm better at talking to patients and making a big effort to be helping out at least as much as i hamper the processes. we have a lot of research type of assignments and for one of my projects i wrote about this lady named margaret newman and her health care theory called "health as expanding consciousness". there are times when i really think i fell into the right field. some of these nurses, theys a buncha hippies if you know what i mean !!!!